The Phoenix Also Dies A Lot

For most people, transformation is slow – it happens without you realizing it. 

Marsha Linehan

When I first became religious, I had the Utopian, just found God view on transformation. I imagined that the past would evaporate from the pores in my flesh and dissipate in the air, and I would become instantly detached, extroverted, constantly joyous, and free from days where I want to set fire to myself and the entire world. I would no longer be plagued by selfishness, vanity, lust, rage, impulsivity, rumination, depression, self-loathing, regret, and memories of my mother, my childhood, my bruises, my scars, my nightmares. There would be openness, but no emptiness. There would be pain, but no suffering. And I would be free.

These days I see transformation as something you do over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and

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About A B

"There is all this untouched beauty, the light, the dark, both running through me." -Over The Rhine
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